An experiment in Creating in real time
A writing prompt, some life updates, a photo and words from this morning, holding our life and our days and each other gently
The coffee, flowers and sandals are from this morning a real time photo and the freewrite at the bottom of this page was written between the precious hours of 630-730/8am before work started, on a morning without camp drop offs, and an unexpected childcare moment, the inlaws were in town and took kids to an activity, as my morning hours are generally filled with kids/breakfast/shuffling before work. (There was a skipped morning workout, and a load of dishes I left for later and I’m okay with that :)
Summer joys: Outside and the back porch and coffee and books and summer beverages are my reprieve, my therapy, my decompression from work and way to be present with. my family :)
Hello friends! Happy June and Happy Summer. I had the best of intentions at the beginning of 2024 to write a share a substack monthly, but well- then life happened. I sat down multiple times over the past 6 months to write, share something, anything, but the words didn’t flow or the timing didn’t feel right or there was too much going on etc. until infinity. Though I have multiple drafts sitting in my substack right now, I wanted to share some words from this morning inspired by a book I’m reading, and a photo I took today ( trying to break my pattern of overthinking). Feel free to skip past the life updates and links down below to the writing prompt and real-time poetry.
A few things….Though I haven’t been active in this space since January, I’ve been busy creating elsewhere (aren’t we all? creating things all the time and then getting down on ourselves for not “creating”?) In addition to a full-time job in marketing for a nonprofit, I launched a creative side project with my fellow working mom bestie at the beginning of May. Essentially a space for two moms who work full-time jobs in marketing to share our love of travel and exploration, with limited time, budgets, and energy. We launched May 1st and took turns posting a reel every day throughout the month and publishing weekly blogs. It was an experiment with creativity and storytelling and an exercise in setting aside time daily to be consistent with something outside of work and family. If travel is your thing, I’d appreciate if you joined our community and journey here.
-Substack: https://journeyingmoms.substack.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/journeyingmoms/
On International Women’s Day I did a podcast/video interview ( I still feel self-conscious after 4 years on zoom- who knew) about being a mother/parent at the intersection of creativity and chronic illness. I had a lovely conversation with
Other life updates:
I was made employee of the quarter at my job for Q2 after barely surviving and making it through Q1.
We went strawberry picking for spring break, photos are incoming.
I turned 30 ( more thoughts on this later) and used my first PTO day not for a kid’s school holiday break
Back in January/February for the first time in my adult working parent life I started attending a weekly mindful breathing and mindful movement class called “Exhale”. Think mindfulness, restorative yoga flow/poses, meets pilates with a combination of hot/cold therapy involved. For someone who has only been able to manage walking daily, started swimming laps during her kid’s swim lessons, hates gyms, and has to do low-impact exercises for health reasons -this was a Godsend. Did I mention only $10 a week? It is the first and only class in my area I’ve found offered in the evenings. (insert rant to make things more accessible)
I landed in the ER (again) only to discover two new health issues, and to end up meeting with a PCP, two surgeons, and an OBGYN in the past month. May sure more later. But this is the biggest frustration of living with chronic illness for the past decade, struggling to get treatment for current issues that aren’t being managed or treated and then discovering new issues and going through the endless cycle of appointments, referrals, consultations and battling doctors offices and insurance and somehow scheduling it all around kids schedules, and work schedules and having to advocate for yourself at every appointment.
I share this hesitantly and not lightly but in the hopes that if someone else needed a permission slip, a little grace, or to feel less alone… here it is. After 6 years of struggling with high functioning anxiety (what I suspect has been underlying since I was a child, but got exacerbated after having PPD after my youngest, some traumatic medical events, and going back to school as a young mom of two), 6-8 months of therapy and panic attacks, I am starting an anxiety medication. Sharing this not for advice, or pity. But because I’m frustrated it took me so long to ask for help, that evangelical upbringing made the guilt and shame of needing help even harder to push through. I believe God can work through prayer, and food, and exercise, and that he can also work through doctors and prescriptions, and I am not less than for needing or using either. (A writer and author that have done a beautiful job of addressing the gap left in the Western Church for people struggling with Chronic Illness/Mental Health is K.J. Ramsey)
In her words- “May your limits become the to land to encounter just how loved you already are”.My babies graduated kindergarten and 3rd grade, I took the last day off to celebrate with them. It was a beautiful day.
Swim lessons started 2x a week in May and I am discovering how good joyful movement feels again. That everybody is a “summer body” or “beach body” and 30 and covered in stretch marks and jiggles is both the oldest I’ve ever been and the youngest I’ll ever be. My annual reminder to -Wear the swimsuit. Enjoy the water with your babies.
And finally creating in real time, a writing prompt and poetry of sorts.
A writing prompt - #theiloveprompt from
#theIloveprompt
I love the way coffee smells in the morning. I love the way the sun peeks behind the trees. I love the feeling of turning the pages of a book. I love how the air feels early in the morning, before the day has arrived, like a reprieve… like a gentle hug, like a reminder… “there is good here”.
I love how the birds sing, adding their voices to the chorus of the day, a song yet to be written. I love how the house feels as I open all the curtains and blinds.
I love how lighting a candle feels hopeful like there’s something worth celebrating.
I love the sleepy faces of my children in the morning. I love when they lay their head on my shoulder, and lay their legs across my lap.
I love the thought that we haven’t lived all of our best days yet. I love that we are all learning to be human for the first time. I love the thought that while this is the oldest I’ve ever been, it is also the youngest I’ll ever be ( at this exact moment).
I love a text that says “Good morning” or “How’d it go?” I love the fact that we are all having all kinds of days on the same day, simultaneously. The best day, or the worst day, or a surprising day, or an ordinary day.
I love that life gives us so much to love and that there are places to love we haven’t been to yet. People to love that we haven’t yet met, things to love that we haven’t learned. Books to read we haven’t read yet. A version of ourselves that is still in the process of becoming.
I love that showing up every day counts no matter what condition we find ourselves in.
What would you add to this list?
A shareable version of this freewrite :)
On my nightstand lately:
A 6-month virtual bookclub with my sisters, reading
Create Anyway, we are set to finish and celebrate on Summer Solstice! (virtually since we scattered, miles, cities, and states apart)Along these lines, The Mother Artist, By
, Portraits of Ambition, limitation, and Creativity, I ordered it in April as a present to myself and have been savoring a chapter at a time, an excuse to take a lunchbreak at work, something I have been really bad at forgetting to do.Recently purchased, Clare Pooleys newest book Aging Disgracefully, because I fell in love with her writing after reading the Authenticity project last year and Iona Iverson’s Rules for Commuting and All fours by Miranda July. Also I am know one of the girlies reading the ACOTAR (A court of Thorns and Roses) series by Sarah J. Maas. It is bringing out my inner teenager in the past way, although the fantasy fiction series is certainly written for adults. I haven’t read fantasy fiction since high school and after a friend gave me the first book in the series in May, I have suddenly found myself reading book #4 of #5 in the series. A lovely reminder especially in the reading community that while I love nonfiction and novels that make think critically reading can also be just for fun.
What’s missing from my TBR stack? What are you reading/ loving this Summer? Or if you feel so inclined to share, what’s a struggle in this season? I have more thoughts I hope to share soon on Chronic Illness, joining the 30’s club, and being a working parent in America, where the cost of childcare has now exceeded the cost of rent in most states, Summer Camps don’t start till weeks after school ends, they end weeks before school begins, the affordable ones often have wait lists or are part time with pickups in the middle of the workday, and yet women/mothers/caregivers-we make it work.
Sending you all virtual hugs and coffee from one tired hopeful parent/creative to another!
Hannah, it's so wonderful that you had so much LIFE creativity going on recently! I also loved the "I love..." prompt. Your writing made me smile. 💛