In my 'chaotic soft life' era

Spring reflections and Summer musings (And Is it July already?!) also, a link round up of happy summer joys!

Summer Joys

‘How to come back after an almost six month hiatius’? I’ve been asking myself. Well I suppose just like this: by just starting, by just writing, by just showing up. But maybe a little spring re-cap/back story first. About the same time I published my last substack here in February , I started a paid writing job/gig after 6+ months of job searching and interviewing (still ongoing) and after 4 years of being a student working mom and graduating last summer. So, in some ways I have been writing more than I ever been, though not for myself directly. I am writing daily news stories for a parenting/news site. The past couple of months have held anywhere between 40-50 stories, per a month. Thats alot of writing even for someone whose taken 6-7 classes at time while working part-time jobs.

I’m grateful and I’m tired. (This sums up summer parenting, no?)

My kids also started sports again this spring, but this year both of them. The weeks became a blur of drop offs, pick ups, work in between and then evening practices and weeknight games. And because mom life/family life means something is always going on, our youngest son had about 6-12 weeks of intense severe allergy symptoms that resulted in about 6 urgent care visits, several PCP visits and after 3 months of all of that, eventually allergy testing. ( While sports season/ septic work/ and a new job were all in full swing)

And while the new job and kids sports schedules and freakish allergy symptoms were going on, the septic at our home had to be completely re-done. We were promised a ‘one day project’ ( you know where this is going if you’ve ever had plumbing or any house work done) that resulted in contractors being in and out of our yard and house for weeks, and meant we were without water for several days ( no laundry! no dishes. no showers.) Looking back it’s almost laughable. Almost.

And yet ~ in the midst of all this chaos family memories were made and magic was found. We went to two state parks with out kids this spring, we hiked, we swam, we fished, we pick-nicked, it was wonderful. There was a kite festival. There was watching my youngest grow in confidence playing soccer for the first time. And watching my oldest play an amazing season of baseball and be an incredibly kind and encouraging team-mate to the players on his team as well as the opposing teams.

And I took my first writing workshop with Exhale (The ladies at Coffee and Crumbs). And somehow it was the perfect timing. (Re: insert some insightful words about the tension of motherhood and creativity and ‘Creating Anyway’ as a one of my favourite authors Ashlee Gadd would say).

So many things went wrong, and somehow things also went right.

We are now in the ‘dog days’ of summer. The days are long and hot and the energy levels are not. A massive heat wave or ‘dome’, has covered the whole south and it has reportedly been hotter here than 99% of the world, a recent video said.

We have cobbled together childcare with occasional help from family and friends when they can, a 3 day sports camp here, VBS at the end of the month, a part-time free day camp offered through a local club/organization. I’d be lying if I said I don’t stress about giving my kids a great summer, a fun summer, but if i’m being honest- deep down I want to give them the perfect summer.

What would the perfect summer entail you may ask? A fancy vacation? A schedule packed with fun activities and events? That’d be ideal, both options are out of the question in this season of life. Maybe I imagine a summer where I don’t feel pulled in a million different directions, and feel the constant mom guilt of being a working mom, and I have an endless amount of ideas, resources, and energy into giving them fun but for now I’m just trying my best and letting that be enough. ( There isn’t really another choice is there?)

Since school let out in May, we’ve been to the lake, the splash pad several times, a small town- blueberry festival, seen the new spider man movie, let’s not forget the countless and endless trips to the grocery store/park/library and occasional seasonal drink drive through at the local coffee spots. We also had two weeks of visits from 4/5 cousins and my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary with a trip and kids spent several hyped up days in children’s world (aka gma and gpa’s). And lots of sweaty evenings on the back porch with popsicles admiring our overgrown and haphazard sunflowers, tomatoes, and *fingers crossed.

And somehow now it’s already July 1st and school will start next month, and i’m not ready. I don’t know where we are with our summer bucket list, if we even had one to go begin with. I want to go to the beach and its 4-5 hour drive before school starts. And find some local peaches while their in season even if it means another roadtrip. And pick local blueberries from a farm down the road. Did I mention we are finally registered to start swim lessons this month after three summers of saying I would?! And you can see how time gets away from me and expectations versus reality tend to clash.

I hope you find grace and joy in these long hot summer days. I hope you found peace in the tension of living a soft chaotic life. That’s what I’ll be over here doing. Romanticizing my summer reads, hammock hangs with kids, acting like a tourist in our small town, while meeting daily deadlines and word counts, choosing to watch another sunset over tackling the pile of dishes or laundry.

A few words on the soft chaotic life below friends and cheers to finding the sweet spot between escapism and realism this summer… presence. Maybe some moments feel rife with the harsh realities of life (bills, health problems, dr.apt’s, another flat tire) but I hope you find pockets of feeling fully present in a hot tired but glorious moment whether you go to the beach, a dreamy vacation, or find yourself in the backyard with the sprinklers on again. There is grace, there is grace, there is grace.

~In my ‘chaotic soft life’ era~

In my out the door before 7:30 am but stop and see the sunset before bed era.

In my forgot to eat lunch but artfully froth the milk for my coffee era.

In my daily screen time is too high from work and let me read a book before bed era.

In my frozen pizza for dinner and homemade muffins for snacks era.

In my have a bunch of deadlines but let’s stop at the park and library on the way home era.

In my life’s too full to think straight but still miss having a baby era.

In my not a ‘corporate girlie’ but not quite a ‘homesteader/homeschooler’ era.

In my live and embrace the tension between two roles two worlds and many emotions era.

In my constantly rescheduled dr.apts/hair apts but let’s go to the lake this weekend era.

It’s the 24/7 hustle to get it all done and the small pockets and moments of accepting it won’t era.

(I have a cue of unpublished micro-essays, short stories, mini-memoirs built up in my Google Docs I’m debating how to roll out here- all at once? one by one? A braided essay? Small collection? We shall see. But hoping to share more regularly around here).

A Link round-ups for your enjoyment below~

Wrote a free write during the spring workshop about finding yourself at the end of the day published on Coffee and Crumbs Instagram feed this week.

Also, some words here on experiencing mom rage and overstimulation.

Summer Joys:

Scents that help with Setting the scene: My favorite candle scents to set the mood for long, loud, working from home days with kiddos. Hearth and hand scents: Canvas and Sunkissed Ginger and Red Amber and Mango. (Think earthy, sweet, and musky)

To bake/make: Joanna Gaines Mango Butter Upside Down Cake in the Summer Issue of the Magnolia Journal.

To read: (fiction) Hello Beautiful, O beautiful, Saturday Night at the Lakeside Supper Club, (non-fiction) I’m glad my mom died, Enchantment. On my nightstand/TBR list: Strong like water, The lives we actually have, Create anyway. If book recc’s are your thing, I’m aiming to read 52 this year and tracking my already read, want to read, and in progress lists over on Goodreads.

For kids: My first born whose 8 going into 3rd grade is doing the Barnes and Noble Summer reading challenge. 8 books by the end of August and he gets to pick a new book for free! Pre-selected list and a small printable reading journal/diary but it’s helping with the mom guilt about excess screen time this summer. (For grades 1-6).

To wear: Not a fashion influencer, but if you want to feel comfortable/cute and have flexibility and supportive wear while sweltering in the heat this summer with your kids- this is it. As a wannabe nature/granola girly who also happens to be a tired working mom and someone who prefers sweating outside walking around or exploring outdoors to setting foot in a gym this Women's Light Support Rib Racerback Longline Sports Bra - All in Motion™ and these Women's Contour Power Waist High-Rise Shorts 7" - All in Motion™ Black from Target I bought before a 3-5 day New Mexico Trip is everything! It has been on a wear/wash/repeat cycle this summer.

Watching: Currently: The new season of Outlander- STARZ. (Hulu/Netflix). -Yes I am one of those time period/drama/romance types. Finished: The latest season of Firefly Lane. (Netflix) The last (so sad!!) season of the Marvelous Mrs.Maisel (Prime). Also on repeat at our house is the new Mario Brothers movie and Peaches song by Jack Black ( it will make you smile and laugh then go mad and want to pull your hair out but still smile and laugh cause it’s so catchy) For summer nostalagia see: The summer I turned pretty and Never have I ever.

Please feel free to share below, the things bringing you joy this summer, or helping you stay sane! (favorite water bottles, sandals, candles, tote bags, books, snacks, will take all the reccs!)